Fantastic Foreplay

Ever notice how often the tastiest part of a fine meal is the appetizer? Often it's enjoyed as much as, if not more than, the main course. This, in fact, is the way some sex experts prefer to look at
foreplay. To them, even the word itself is mildly objectionable, because it implies that all sexual touching is just a prelude to intercourse, which may or may not be the case. To them, noncoital
sex play is a better term, because it includes everything, takes the pressure off everybody, and
doesn't seem quite so desperately goal-oriented. In The Ananga Ranga, an Indian sex classic written in the fifteenth or sixteenth century, we learn that even royalty needs a little foreplay.
This Muslim-era tome reminds readers what the court physician said to Maria Theresa, Empress of Austria: "Furthermore, I am of the opinion that the
sexual organs of your Most Sacred Majesty should be titillated for some length of time before coitus." The same book gives this practical tip for accomplishing that: Make an
"artificial elephant trunk' by bringing together the first three fingers of either hand, and thus stimulate the woman. Whether you find yourself trumpeting like a bull elephant in the bedroom or your mate is pleading, "Ungawa, Tarzan!" the delectable rites of arousal-and
wherever they lead-are wonderful and important, especially to a woman. In one study, 709 female nurses were asked to rank the importance of 15 different things (such as fatigue, stress, and lack of tenderness) that interfered with their ability to reach orgasm. The women's most common complaint, outranking all the others by a good margin, was that their partners did not spend enough time in foreplay. Men, overly focused on the "goal" (intercourse), tend to hurry through it all. They don’t slow down and take enough time to linger, to be playful, to explore, and to help their partners be satisfied. How long is long enough? Well, only you and your partner can really tell for sure. But when these sexually experienced adult women were asked how long they'd prefer that their lovers indulge in foreplay, they replied (on average) about 17 minutes. That may seem like a long time, but the rewards of patience are rich. When Paul Gebliard, a
collaborator of the late Dr. Alfred Kinsey, went back and reexamined the Kinsey group's data, he found that only 7.7 percent of the women whose lovers spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay failed to reach orgasm.
Following are some tips for setting off fireworks through foreplay. Understand the differences when turning up the heat. "A man's sexual responses are like a lightbulb: You turn it on, and it goes from cold to hot almost instantly. When you turn it off, it cools down right away. But a woman's responses are more like an iron: You turn it on, then wait and wait and wait until it heats up; and after you turn it off, you wait and wait and wait until it cools off," explains Jude Cotter, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in private practice in Farmington Hills, Michigan. Foreplay is one way to smooth out the differences, slowing down the man a little, speeding up the woman a little, and meeting (let's hope) somewhere in the middle. Technically speaking, there's some interesting evidence that it's not so much that women’s sexual responses are innately slower than men's but that women require more foreplay because it's harder for them to reach orgasm through intercourse. Stay aware of her breathing. When she changes from normal breathing to a deep, relaxed pattern, she's usually ready for intercourse. When she's panting hot and heavy, she's approaching orgasm. Start intercourse slowly; even if she appears eager, it will raise her anticipation and allow sensations to build. Make foreplay last all day. "Always remember that good sex begins while your clothes are still on," say William Masters, M.D., and Virginia Johnson, of the Masters and Johnson Institute in St. Louis, and their collaborator Robert C. Kolodny, M.D. "Getting in the mood" is not just the few moments before sex; it can go on for hours, or days, before hand. Since good sex is just one aspect of a good relationship, it's sweetest when it grows naturally out of the time you spend together. "One of the things that men don't understand is that if a guy spends the afternoon with his partner, and they stop and get a sandwich, they joke and kid around, they laugh, they hug-to the woman, that's foreplay," says Dr. Cotter. "Men want to know, 'What's the right technique for foreplay?' Well, part of it is to go for a walk with her, spend some time with her, do things that are sensitive and kind. If he stops and buys a single long-stemmed rose on Tuesday, for no particular reason at all, he will probably have fantastic sex on Wednesday." Ask what feels good. When it comes to actually getting physical, men and women often make similar mistakes. From their own intimate observations, Masters and Johnson say that during foreplay both men and women tend to do things that they think would turn them on. For instance, many men stroke the shaft of the clitoris vigorously and rapidly, in imitation of the way men masturbate, or they plunge a
finger deep into the vagina, even though many women find this unarousing or even uncomfortable. By contrast, one of men's most common complaints is that women don't grab the penis firmly enough; they treat the man’s genitals as gingerly as they do their own.
The answer? Communication. It doesn't necessarily have to be verbal, but it's important to let your partner know, in one way or another, what feels good and what doesn't. Set the stage. One final note on preliminaries: "Candlelight," advise David and Ellen Ramsdale, authors of Sexual Energy Ecstasy, "flatters the human body by making it look more fluid and smooth." And removing your reading glasses has pretty much the same effect. Both at once is miraculous.
His & Her Hot Spots
Sex involves all the senses: sight, smell, hearing, taste, and, of course, the sense of touch. When you touch her skin, anywhere, do it as lightly as you possibly can, so lightly that there is almost air between your fingers and her skin. This can give her chills and be an erotic and tempting tease. When you move on to the heavier touching, this is where you want to be the expert on her parts and your parts and how to make all of these parts add up to unforgettable pleasure. Her Body Ask her to show you her "hot spots": her G spot, her clitoris, etc. When you go in search of the magic button, it helps to have accurate directions. Otherwise, here's a quick tour of the female body:
When a woman is lying on her back, the lowest opening is the anus. Next up is the vagina, with labia on both sides. Above the vagina is a smaller opening called the urethra, where urine comes out, and above the urethra, maybe camouflaged by her pubic hair, is the clitoral hood.
Inside this little cave is the clitoris. Another good way to find the clitoris is by touch. During sexual excitement the hood becomes puffier and larger, but the clitoris remains inside. Place your finger on top of the hood and press down gently, feeling for a shaft of rigid tissue, the clitoris. Clitoris. The clitoris can become numb from the same kind of touch over and over again, so vary the touch from the top to either side. Encourage her to explain what feels good to her and to help you find different ways to touch her there. When you gently tease the clitoris as opposed to pressing firmly, she may end up trembling and shouting out loud. Also, try tracing the alphabet with your tongue-we bet she doesn’t make it past N or 0!
Or you can try the Venus Butterfly, wherein you repeatedly suck your lover's clitoris into your mouth, then expel it rapidly (two to three times per second). Because the clitoris is so sensitive, this is very intense for most women, and it may be best if you alternate 10 to 15 seconds of this motion with 10 to 15 seconds of left-toright and up-and-down tongue flicks, as well as an occasional figure-8 tracing of the clitoris. If it still seems too intense for her, pause to slowly lick the length of her labia. Ask her to tell you what works the best. Sometimes she may prefer to use her own hand on her clitoris while you're busy somewhere else. You'll never know unless you ask her. Women enjoy masturbation as much as men do, and they're experts on how and where to touch their bodies. Incidentally, just before orgasm, the clitoris momentarily seems to
shrink out of sight. This can confuse men, who think it's a sign of a sexual turnoff when it's actually a sign of intense arousal because the hood of the clitoris is becoming engorged with blood.
Labia minora. The inner lips of the genitals are richly supplied with nerves, especially on their secret, inner sides. In Dr. Kinsey's famous studies of female hot spots, 98 percent of the women could feel a touch on either the inner or the outer side of the lips. "As sources of erotic arousal," he observed, "the labia minora seem to be fully as important as the clitoris." The labia majora-the fleshy outer lips-seem to be considerably less sensually sensitive.
Entrance of the vagina. This is a definite pleasure zone. Most women find the so-called vestibule of the vagina (the funnel-shaped area between the inner lips, just above and outside the vaginalopening), as well as the first inch and a half of its interior, to be the sweetest of spots. That's because these areas are richly supplied with nerve endings. Interestingly enough, the deep inner walls of the vagina seem numb by comparison.
The "G spot." Modern researchers point out, though, thatsome women are wildly responsive to deep pressure (not light strokes) applied to the roof of the vagina, several inches inside the opening-an area that's come to be called the "G spot." Not all women believe they have a G spot. To help her find hers, have her lie down on her back. Insert one or two fingers into her vagina with your palm facing the ceiling. Slightly bend your fingers and feel along the ribbed walls of her vagina. Somewhere between her bladder and her pelvis there should be a sort of roundish-shaped sensitive area. The odd thing is that when you touch this area, she may feel an urge to urinate, but most likely she won't. This sensation passes, and the feeling then becomes pleasurable. On the other hand, don't keep touching or rubbing if it is not feeling good to her. She doesn't have to like it. There is nothing to prove in good sex, just endless possibilities for enjoyment. If the G spot doesn't work for her, then move on. Breasts. The breasts and nipples receive mixed reviews. Many women respond to erotic attentions to the breasts and nipples, but an equal number find that being stimulated in these areas either does not lead to arousal or even makes them uncomfortable. Studies have shown that although 90 percent of women say their partners like to kiss or stroke their breasts during sex, only about 50 percent actually
enjoy it. During certain times of her menstrual cycle her breasts may be especially tender or sensitive. Encourage her to let you know what feels good and what doesn't.
Fingers and toes. With all the attention on the clitoris and the G spot, men tend to forget all the other delicious areas of a woman’s body. Fingers and toes can be very erogenous areas. When she's fresh from the bath and lounging around in that silky robe, try nibbling or sucking her toes while tracing circles on the arch of her foot. Or you can stroke and nibble on her soft fingertips while gazing into her eyes. The results may surprise both of you. A few others to feel out. Behind her knee is a much-neglected erotic area with soft, thin, sensitive skin that you can kiss or gently caress. At the base of the spine, just above the crease of the buttocks,there is a small triangle called the sacrum that has been called the "Bermuda Triangle of lust"; massage this area with your thumb. Soft kisses at the small of the neck may get big results, as well.
His Body
We may think of the penis as an expandable, flexible rod, but it's really wishbone-shaped. We see only the shaft portion that hangs outside the body. The remainder is inside the abdomen, where it splits into a Y and anchors the penis behind the pubic bone. In the shaft of the penis are three chambers. The smaller one, on the underside of the shaft, houses the urethra (the bladder's "drainpipe"), and the other two are side-by-side erectile chambers of spongy tissue that fill with blood and expand during an erection. The main impetus for an erection occurs in the organ between your ears-that is, your brain. If the mind likes what it's seeing, thinking, feeling, or dreaming, the penis stands at attention. If the mind is distracted, irritated, or discouraged, the penis deflates. Boredom, problems in the relationship, job stress-all of these things can play havoc with your ability to rise to the occasion. Sooner or later, every guy will have a problem getting or keeping an erection. Best thing is not to worry about it. just relax and enjoy the cuddling and other intimacies, and it probably won’t happen again. If the problem persists or becomes worse, it may be medical, and you should see your doctor. Although most guys in the locker room brag and joke, penis size is not the key to sexual pleasure. Average length of an erect penis is 5 3/8 inches, and about three-quarters of them range from 4 5/8 to 6 1/4 inches. Women, for the most part, couldn't care less about penis size. But there are a few hot spots on your penis (no matter what the length) and the rest of your body that you could ask her to pay containing the testicles) are less sensitive than these other spots.attention to.
Penis. The frenulum (the area underneath and just behind the glans, or the head of the penis) is usually the most sensitive spot. The rim of the glans, sometimes called the coronal ridge, is also highly sensitive. The shaft of the penis and the skin of the scrotum (the sac Testicles. Don’t forget this body part. Testicular massage can boost your sexual energy, and it's believed to help the body produce testosterone. You can either do this yourself or show your partner how it's done. Firmly but gently roll the testicles between the thumb and fingers of each hand, then hold your penis and scrotum with your thumb and forefinger and lightly pull them forward while tightening
your pelvic muscles. Chest. Most men (and women) feel a little funny about the man’s breasts and nipples being stimulated during sex play, but lots of men are sensitive there. In fact, Dr. Kinsey reported that there may be as many males as there are females whose breasts are distinctly sensitive.
Prostate gland. That pleasant tingling sensation you feel deep
inside your crotch during sexual excitement is your prostate gland
humming a love song. Most guys pay no attention to the prostate gland
until there is a problem or disease, but this is a very sensitive erotic
spot. This nerve-rich organ, sometimes known as the male G spot,
tingles as it secretes fluid during arousal and ejaculation. Gay men
have long known that stimulating the prostate increases sexual
pleasure, and the gland gets quite a workout during male anal sex. You
can have your partner massage your prostate by pressing firmly on the
perineum (the skin between the anus and the base of the scrotum) or
sliding a lubricated finger into your anus to stroke the prostate.