Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Blowing His . . . Mind! Every Womens Guide To Oral Sex

The Greatest Gift
If you've come here first, before reading any of the other chapters, you're probably not alone. I've yet to meet a woman who didn't want to improve her oral sex skills. And who, may I ask, can blame us? If there is one surefire way to put a smile on a man's face, this would be it. And once you know and feel that giving your lover oral sex is 100 percent your choice, he'll appreciate the gift even more. So, why do men love it so much? It's a question I've heard asked more times than I can even remember. Not having first-person knowledge of penises and the psychology that accompanies them, we must go straight to the source for the answer. (The source I'm referring to here, ladies, is men. In spite of all evidence to the contrary at times, penises don't really have minds of their own.) A thirty-seven-year-old male physician put it quit(' succinctly: "Bad and oral sex don't occur in the same sentence.'
There has been a broad range of answers to this perennial question. Some men love oral sex because it makes them stir render. As one man, a stockbroker from New York, said, "I've got my most cherished and sensitive possession in her Mouth, between her jaws and only centimeters away from her teeth! If I was ever at a loss of control, this would be the time. But that's precisely what I love about it. For me it's about the surrender of power . . . for a much greater cause." There is also a school of thought that believes oral sex isn't "real" sex at all. For these men, oral sex is a way of releasing sex ual tension without having to endure the same risks—either physically or emotionally—as intercourse. But the most common reason men enjoy oral sex is that they don't have to do anything: we women are doing it all for them, so they can simply focus on their absolute pleasure. Your mouth on his penis feels sensational and considerably more personal and intimate. As one man, a banker from Chicago, told me, "A mouth is so much more versatile than a vagina." It's true: we are much more in control of what goes on in our mouths than in our vaginas. In addition, being the visual creatures they are, men find it thrilling to watch the metamorphosis of their penises take place before their very eyes.
Most importantly, I feel, oral sex is the greatest gift of intimacy a woman can bestow upon a man. Between the touch, the sight, and the sound of oral sex, it's almost a sensory overload. Many men have said it's like being in their own erotic film, only it isn't an act and they're starring with the women they love. And they are able to reach orgasm without having to physically work at it. For that reason, your giving them oral sex is truly a gift bestowed. Once again, I have to confess that I am not now, nor have I ever been, comfortable with the term "blow job." To me, it's a misnomer altogether, as there is actually no blowing involved. There are several theories as to the origin of the expression. The one I give the most credence to dates back to the late 1940s when jazz musicians referred to this act as "playing the skin flute." From there, it evolved into "blow job." Go figure. But as you become more comfortable with giving oral sex to your partner, you'll most likely find the term you're most comfortable with. And for the record, most men refer to oral sex as a "blow job."There are several secrets I'd like to impart to you on the subject of oral sex. First, the secret to your success and enjoyment in going down on your lover is in taking control. Oral sex is a lot more fun for you if you don't have to work so hard. If you are controlling the pace and the position in which his penis enters your mouth, there's very little chance of your gagging. You can decide how far that penis goes, and once you've reached your maximum level of comfort, you then simply pull it back out. As his penis becomes less foreign to your mouth, you will gradually he able to take in more of it, should that be what you desire. If you remember nothing else about performing oral sex on a man, let it be this in order for it to be done effectively, you must be in charge. This is something you do for him, not something he does for himself through you.
WHY SOME WOMEN RESIST
In all the years I've been doing these seminars and speaking to women about their sexual experiences, I've found that there is one obvious distinction between those women who enjoy performing fellatio with their lovers and those who don't. The women who like it are the ones who do it. The women who don't enjoy fellatio feel it is being done to them and tend to shy away from it.
It Doesn't Feel Like a Request
Most often a woman's first experience with oral sex comes at the request of her lover. He'll either come right out and ask to be taken care of, or sometimes just push her head in the general direction of his penis. But either way, she's not going to find a set of instructions down there, telling her what to do. In an attempt to show her what he wants, the guy will usually start thrusting himself in and out of her mouth.For most of us, this does not feel good and certainly isn't any fun. Also, a man usually doesn't know how to give precise directions or describe how and why an action feels good. Indeed, while men remember the best oral sc. or manual stimulation they've ever had, they often cannot remember exactly what happened. "I know who it was, I just can't remember what she did," as one man told me.
Gagging
The main reason I hear over and over again as to why women don't like oral sex is that they gag when the penis goes down their throats. Just so you know, it is a very common problem, and make no mistake, giving a man headis very much an acquired skill. Mother Nature gave us a gag reflex as a way of keeping our throats protected. A straight male friend of mine was curious to experiment, using a seminar "instructional product." After attempting several times to put the entire dildo (mind you, this one measured six inches) in his mouth and down his throat, he exclaimed,"How do women learn to do this?" Chances arc you're going to gag when performing oral sex; most women do. The skill comes in learning how to handle the gag reflex. After all, if a woman can be gagged with the proverbial spoon, for heaven's sake, what would make her think she wouldn't choke on a man's penis? It doesn't come naturally for anyone to have foreign objects plunged down their throats.
Finding That Hard to Swallow?
The other reason for not giving oral sex to their lovers, women tell me, is that besides gagging, they have issues with swallowing. To swallow his semen or not to swallow it has been an ongoing drama for many women, for as long as people have been practicing oral sex. First and foremost, you should know one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt—if you don't want to swallow, you don't have to. Not swallowing won't make you a bad lover, nor will it in any way diffuse the pleasure your lover receives when he orgasms. A man who makes you believe otherwise does not deserve your gift of oral sex. Period. One woman, a sex therapist herself now in her mid-fifties, told me that she always swallowed when performing oral sex with her husband. For some reason, she no longer likes to swallow and doesn't. It's up to you, ladies. Whether you want to swallow or not, I think it only fair to tell you that men do find it a turn-on to see a woman swallow their semen. More than that, perhaps, they say that being allowed to ejaculate into a woman's mouth gives them an overwhelming feeling of acceptance, specialness, and intimacy. For this reason, it would be kinder, should you not want him to come in your mouth, to refrain from using words like "grotesque" and "disgusting" when offering an explanation as to why. Imagine how you would feel if he were to use words to that effect to describe why he didn't want to taste you. As a form of compromise, many women allow their lovers to ejaculate into their mouths and then let the semen drip out the sides, rather than swallow it. The Seal and The Ring technique, which we'll discuss further on in the chapter, allows you to use your hand to catch his semen and keep it there, without him even knowing it. From his angle, it will appear as if he came in your mouth. There are plenty of other alternatives as well. One woman, an administrative assistant from San Francisco, said. "Just before he comes, I pull him out of my mouth and rub him alongside my cheek, using my warm and wet hand to keep up the contact." A male seminar attendee from New York gave me this suggestion: "My wife doesn't like me to come in her mouth, so right before I orgasm, I lightly tap her, giving her the signal. This way she knows when to pull me out."
Secret from Lou's Archive
The deep throating that many men long for is a result of the porn industry. Let us not forget that most porn films are scripted to appeal to male fantasies. In actuality, it is rare for a woman to be able to do this.
Secret from Lou's Archive
I happen to have my own personal theory as to why the swallowing of semen can be challenging. First, immediately upon ejaculating, semen gels as a natural buffer against the vaginal environment, so it has a texture some women find unpleasant. Second, it is the nature of sperm to travel uphill. The little devils can't help themselves. Swallowing is a downward action, and these guys are doing everything in their power to go . . . up. The nutritional and caloric value of a man's semen have been debated and discussed for as long as women have been giving men head. Women who enjoy swallowing will insist that semen tastes delicious, that it is high in protein and even that it makes a great facial mask. Women who won't swallow say that semen is fattening and high in sodium. The truth of the matter is, semen contains the simple sugar fructose, and
one ejaculation probably contains about 6 calories. On the other hand, it is possible to influence the taste of semen through diet. The old saying "You are what you eat" has never been more appropriate than when it comes to the taste of intimacy (ladies, for the record, this applies to the way you taste, as well). If you want to swallow for him, but simply can't stand the way he tastes, don't give up the ship until a change in menu has been put into effect. There is still hope. The consumption of fruits will give him a lighter taste that is far more appealing than the taste you'd get if he eats broccoli, asparagus, or foods that have a high salt content.
After eating red meat, semen will be thicker or gummier. Beer and hard liquor also tend to produce a bitter, unpleasant taste in the semen. And needless to say, smoking of any sort
(cigarettes, marijuana, cigars, or pipes) will negatively effect the taste of intimate juices (the same goes for you, ladies). In addition, any kind of medication or vitamin can change the
taste and sometimes consistency of semen. If you try a change in diet and still find it impossible to swallow, don't beat yourself (or him) up over it. Remember, swallowing is not mandatory, and in fact, only about 20 percent of women swallow during oral sex. This form of oral sex is yours and yours alone to give away. If you follow the techniques outlined here, chances are he'll be in such a state by the time he ejaculates, he won't notice or care where his semen ends up, he'll only be grateful to have had you there to release it.
The Steps
The second secret I'd like to share is simple: there are five essential elements, each with a degree of variety, to use in creating an amazing oral sex experience for your lover:
THE SEAL AND THE RING
Your best defense against gagging whenever you take your lover's penis into your mouth is to be in control. One of the best ways to assert your control is to use what I call The Seal and The Ring: first, with your thumb and forefinger forming an adjustable "okay" sign, place your fingers around your mouth; this way you not only add length to your mouth (the average penis is five to six inches, and our average mouths are only two to three inches). This is known as The Seal. Then, with your thumb and forefinger, tighten and release the pressure, determining exactly how deeply his penis enters your mouth; this is known as The Ring. If, during an oral encounter, you find that in spite of your best efforts he is too far into your mouth, making you feel as
if you're going to choke, try these suggestions for relaxing the gag reflex:
Secret from Lou's Archive
After eating foods such as melon, kiwi, pineapples, celery, or strawberries, men's semen will have a lighter, sweeter taste.
• Stop your mouth motion until the sensation passes, keeping your hand in motion so that he does not lose the sensation and his erection.
• Go on to another move, such as licking or "The Big W" (later in this chapter).
• Slow down and breathe deeply. While he may attribute your deep breathing to sexual excitement, you'll be giving your upper palate a chance to relax.
• Shift the angle at which his penis is entering your mouth. A simple position change can make a big difference. If his penis comes into your mouth straight on, it will go directly to the back of your throat. This would make any woman gag. The trick is to be between his legs and have your mouth come down onto his penis from above. Remember, the object is for you do be doing this to him, not the other way around. If you come down onto his penis, you will have the control necessary to stop it from going any farther thanis comfortable for you. No need to worry that he will be making an "L" turn down your throat. The area at the back of the soft palate is very flexible and can easily accommodate the average penis. By using The Seal and The Ring, you can effectively create a deep throat sensation without having the entire penis in your mouth. One man, a producer of infomercials from the Midwest, described his experience: "My wife is able to take me into the back of her mouth when I am fully erect and I can feel the back of her throat. It is really soft and moist. Then she does the swallowing motion when I am back there. It feels terrific, but not as terrific as when I am soft; when I'm soft, the feeling is ten times more intense."
LET THE HANDS HELP YOU
When performing oral sex, you also use your hands. This aspect of oral sex is related to mathematical logic. The average woman's mouth measures approximately two to three inches from her lips to the back of her throat. The average man's penis is five to six inches. Therein lies the dilemma. It is mathematically impossible for the entire average man's penis to fit into the average woman's mouth without some operational adjustments. But there is an easy way to compensate for the difference.
Remember The Seal? While standing in front of a mirror, make your hand into an imaginary megaphone (fingers rounded in a cylinder shape) and hold it up to your mouth. That's the position your hand should be in whenever his penis enters your mouth. It creates the sensation of a tube, plenty long enough to accommodate the length of his shaft while enabling you to monitor, using The Ring, exactly how far the penis goes into your mouth, thereby forming the seal (i.e., your hand should stay sealed to your lips).
Up and Down Motion With your hand "sealed" to your mouth and your teeth covered by your lips or buffered by your hand, move up and down
Secret from Lou's Archive
This suggestion came from a champion fitness instructor who says that when she needs a break while she is "down there," she'll shift the head of the penis from the center of her mouth to the soft cheek area. She maintains the motion, but she can breathe more easily and swallow any
extra saliva down the length of his shaft (or as far as you are comfortable), varying the speed and length of the stroke. You can adjust the amount of pressure on the shaft either by opening your mouth wider or closing it more, cushioned by your lips covering your teeth or, if you find your lips and jaw tend to get sore, use the "ring" of your fingers that are attached to your mouth.
Hand Twisting
The hand that is sealed to your mouth twists back and forth a la one half of a Pirouette motion
Minding the Stepchildren
This is a term of endearment that was used once by a woman in a seminar, and it stuck. In learning about the ways in which to involve a man's testicles, a woman from Dallas said, "Oh, honey, they're like stepchildren, they tend to be ignored!" The fact is, most men truly delight in having their balls played with in the right way. It's very easy to incorporate a little ball playing into oral sex. After all, you do have a free hand. While one hand is attached to your mouth and going up and down his shaft, the other one can be fondling his testicles. What this does is
broaden the area of sexual sensation and pleasure. I'm going to give you a few different ways to go about it, but needless to say, it is imperative, ladies, that you tread lightly here. Men are extremely sensitive in this area. Doing it right can provide him with a whole new definition of orgasm. Doing it wrong can produce an entirely different effect altogether, namely, he'll cry out in pain! Remember, they aren't called the "family jewels" for nothing. There are two things to take into consideration before "playing balls" with your lover. The first is whether or not you've ever handled a man's testicles before and the second is whether he's ever had his testicles handled before. If you've never touched these tender sacs, itis much better to err on the side of gentleness than on the side of strength. The same applies if your lover is new to this experience. Another place to start is on that soft, hairless skin between his anus and his testicles, the perineum. While the one hand is otherwise engaged, stroke him lightly right there with your free fingers, as if you're motioning someone to come a little closer. Once he becomes comfortable with that feeling (which shouldn't take long at all), tease him a bit by letting your fingers stroke over his balls with the same motion. After doing that once or twice, go back to the area between his balls and anus. He is likely to either tell you to touch his testicles again, or try to guide your hand to them. This is good. It means he trusts you and feels safe. Even so, making him wait for it a little longer will heighten his excitement. You'll be able to tell immediately by his verba I and physical reaction what is turning him on. Even a little pull to some men feels wonderful. Just don't squeeze or pinch his balls together. One woman told me that her husband absolutely loves to have his balls "yanked on!" Needless to say, at no time is a good manicure more crucial. Not only will he be watching your hands carefully, but more importantly, he'll be able to feel the tiniest of flaws in your fingernails.
Stroking the perineum
Use Your Free Hand Keep your other hand moving, letting it roam around his body. Try these moves:
• Lightly scratch his thighs or anywhere else you can reach. Alternate swirling and straight strokes so he can't anticipate what's next.
• Be sure to balance the sensation so that whatever motion you use on one side of his body you use on the other.
• Tease his pubic hair with your fingers.
• Play with the "stepchildren" (earlier in chapter).
• Stroke the line from his bellybutton to his pubic bone with your fingertips.
• Using the edge of your hand like a squeegee, create a light pressure wave along the line from his bellybutton to his pubic bone.
USE YOUR MOUTH
Ms. Hoover How much suction should you use? Due to how our mouths are constructed we can really only suck on the first inch and a half of a man's penis. If a penis is any farther into your mouth, you have to drop your tongue to accommodate itand it is your tongue against the roof of your mouth that creates the suction. Some men have said they prefer less to more suction as the strong constant sucking tends to concentrate all the sensation in the head and doesn't allow for a buildup throughout their entire groin area. Other men love suction and can't get enough. The best way to find out his preference is to ask him to suck on your fingers with the intensity he would prefer and then suck on his fingers to see if you're close. Adjust accordingly.
Throat Kegels
This is especially effective when your lover has not yet been aroused to a fully erect state. A throat kegel is the repetitive sucking in of a semierect penis followed by a swallowing motion. What this does (aside from changing his "semi" status rather efficiently) is provide him with the
sensation of having his entire penis pulled into your mouth, something that may not be possible when he's in a fully erect state. As one man said, "My wife can take me into the back of her throat when I'm fully erect, but amazingly there is ten times more sensation when I'm soft. She just sucks me in and the pressure of the swallowing . . . whooo!" There is no question that seeing and feeling your tongue on his penis will turn him on. Use this to its maximum effectiveness. With one hand at the base of the shaft, holding it firmly in place, run your tongue up and down his penis and gently over the head, allowing him to feel both the coarser top side of your tongue where the tastebuds are located, as well as the smoother, softer underside of your tongue. You can even use your tongue as a tool and sculpt the entire length of his penis. Ladies, if he isn't already hard by the time you start on him with your tongue, trust me, chances are he will be shortly thereafter.
Secret from Lou's Archive
When handling the testicles, they should be treated like small, breakable eggs.
Tongue Magic
Just as in kissing, the tongue is a crucial part of oral sex. As my friend Bryan said, "Your tongue is always, always, always in motion." Your tongue on his penis can take him to heights of pleasure he never knew existed. Let's try something. Pretending your index and middle fingers are his penis, move them in and out of your mouth, keeping your tongue perfectly still. How does that feel to you? My guess is that it probably feels moist, warm, and pleasant, but a little
ho-hum. Now try the action again, but this time move your tongue all around your fingers, keeping your tongue in constant motion as you slide your fingers in and out of your mouth. If you keep the motion going, your fingers are being touched by the top of your tongue, sometimes by the edges of your tongue, and at other times by the underside of your tongue. This creates much more stimulation on his penis and does a far better job of lubricating. Imagine how that difference would be magnified on the most sensitive part of your lover's anatomy.
Lower Tongue Magic
The same kind of "tongue magic" you perform on his penis can be done on his testicles, too. Licking a man's testicles requires some strategic positioning. Lying on a bed, you need to have your face in much the same position he'd be in to perform oral sex on you. To ease access, place a pillow under his hips so your neck won't get sore. Other men in my seminars have suggested you have your lover sit in a chair while you kneel on the floor in front of him. Some men enjoy standing with the woman on her knees in front of him. If this is a position that appeals in you, be sure to secure a pillow to rest your knees on before you begin.
The Big W
There's one move I call The Big W: starting with your tongue burrowed into the area where his leg attaches to his groin, move your tongue (like a writing instrument), in the shape of a large W, going down one side of the scrotum (the sac with his testicles inside), up between his balls, and
finishing the stroke on the other side of the scrotum. Then reverse the "W" The tip of your tongue should stroke over the perineum at the middle of the W. In starting and finishing this stroke, your one cheek will have his scrotum on one side and his thigh is on the other cheek. This move has the added advantage of moistening the area with your saliva, so it's easier to take his testicles into your mouth, which is the next move, Tea Bagging.
Tea Bagging
Another mouth move that I've heard men totally enjoy is what I call Tea Bagging. Start with him lying on top and then ask him to get on all fours and crawl over you. Then scoot down beneath him, leaving a trail of kisses on his chest and tummy, then, when your mouth is beneath his groin, place your hands on his hips to guide and lower his hips, dipping his balls into your mouth. Invariably, his penis will harden and do a little bonk, bonk jig against your forehead. If you have enough space in your mouth, try to take both balls inside. But if you can't, don't worry—most women are not able to do this.
Pearly Gates
Some men enjoy having a woman cradle the shaft with one hand and gently nibble up the length of the penis, as if she were , eating corn on the cob. One woman said her boyfriend asked her to nibble, bite, and pull, gently with her teeth on the skin of the frenulum (the "V" shaped zone near the head of his penis) just before he came. Initially, when he would tell her to "bite harder," she would worry, then she realized she wasn't hurting him. Another move that involves your teeth is to gently comb over the head of the penis.
Strumming the Frenulum
Here's where you use the back of your tongue, that really smooth area with the nifty ridge in the middle of it, on his frenulum. The sensation is very different from when you use the top of your tongue, or the pointy edges. To get into the proper position:
• Hold the end of his penis under your nose, keeping your chin in contact with the shaft to stabilize the stroke.
• Gently use your supporting hand, which is holding the shaft, to flex the head of the penis away so you have enough room for a nice full tongue stroke, about onehalf inch.
• Stroke rapidly crossways across his frenulum with the soft, hot underside of your tongue.
• As a bonus, use your hand to do a half Pirouette stroke (see Chapter 6) on the shaft.
LOOK HIM IN THE EYE
Another secret to incredible oral sex is to make eye contact with him from time to time, provided there is enough light to do so. After all, ladies, you're not there alone. By looking up at your lover occasionally, you're allowing him to see the pleasure you derive out of pleasing him. This is also another way of letting him know that you are not only enjoying what you're doing (which will completely turn him on) but that you are in total control, which will make him relax and feel safe.
THE GREATEST GIFT:
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
If you put the steps together, it should look like this:
1. Use your hands to form The Seal and The Ring.
2. Move your mouth up and down the length of his shaft, while maintaining a comfortable level of suction. Meanwhile, use the hand attached to your mouth for the up and down motion and twisting.
Secret from Lou's Archive
When you have one of his testicles in your mouth, use your tongue to cradle and sculpt the underside of the sac: he will love this!
Forming The Seal and The Ring
3. Keep your tongue in constant motion, moving occasionally to Tongue Magic and The Big W
4. Don't forget to Mind the Stepchildren, whether you do so with your hands or mouth.
5. Let your free hand roam the rest of his body
6. Look him in the eye.
VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE
There are other things you can do to add diversity to the experience of taking him in your mouth.
Tricks with Mints
Suck on a strong mint such as an Altoid, a Halls mentholdrop or a Nice cough drop. Once the mint has begun to dissolve, begin to suck on him. This provides a tingling sensation that many men truly enjoy. Let the mint partially melt in your mouth for two reasons: 1) your mouth will be better coated, and 2) the mint will be smaller and easier to tuck into the side of your mouth. Otherwise you'll be concentrating on mint location, not him.
The Hummer
Another form of tingle, often referred to as a "Hummer," is just what it sounds like. After taking his penis into your mouth begin a low, vibrating hum. To get an idea of how this feels, once again put your fingers in your mouth and softly moan. As von change pitches the vibration changes, and the most intense vibration is at the front, not the back, of your mouth, where the dens est tissue is located. As one woman told me, she can be reciting her grocery list and he wouldn't care—he loves the sensation.
Hot/Cold Shift
Some women have expressed that their men prefer a chilled sensation over a tingly one. The next time you have his penis iii your mouth, try moving a few pieces of crushed ice around while giving him a tongue massage and see how Moving up and down the shaft . . . while twisting
Tongue Magic and Lower Tongue Magic, Minding the Stepchildren (Tea Bagging)
A variation on that theme, which can be equally erotic for some men, is to heat up your mouth before having him enter it. Take a sip of hot coffee or tea, swirl it around before swallowing and then guide *his penis into your mouth, remembering to keep your tongue in motion at all times. Your morning coffee will never be the same „ again. Or, with one hand or your mouth on his penis, stroke an ice cube gently underneath his testicles over the perineal area. Be sure to hold the ice cube in a tissue, as you can control it better. It will also absorb any melting. Don't remain in any one place for too long; your aim is not to numb him.
TIPS
• It won't take long to discover that the secret to giving great head is to find your "rhythm," and that rhythm can and will change with each partner, depending on his specific likes and dislikes. What will ensure your success with every encounter is to remember the four different motions you use whenever performing oral sex. When and how you use them will depend on your
rhythm, but the motions themselves are always the same.
• The soft palate at the back of your throat is very slippery and has lots of give, unless you are suffering from a case of dry mouth. This can happen when you've consumed a lot of alcohol or salt or are not properly hydrated. It is always a good idea to keep a glass of water by the side of the bed, just in case.
• Once you have reached your comfort level of insertion, allow the penis to stay there for a short time so that you become accustomed to the feeling. Your palate has a good memory. The next time he enters your mouth, you will be able to take him at least as far down as you did during your previous encounter. With a little practice and patience, you'll be able to take him farther each time you try. This, again, is only applicable if you desire to do so. Linda Lovelace is not the role model for all women.
• When sucking, it's best to use short, intense bursts, rather than constant, long vacuuming, which concentrates too much suction on the head.
• Some men who are circumcised love attention to the scar tissue area; one woman quoted her husband as saying, "I thank my parents everyday for having me circumcised. I just love it when you run your tongue around the track."
• Careful about your dental work and teeth—when performing oral sex. As one woman reported, "I didn't know until the damage was done that I had lacerated my husband's penis with a sharp edge of a new crown." With these tips, your oral sex experiences are always going to be pleasurable. And though I've said this before, I think it bears repeating once again: the joy you derive out of pleasing him is worth weight in gold—of that there is no doubt. But knowing you alone possess the ability to deliver it is likely to do more to reflect you power as a woman than
anything you can even imagine. Like all sex, the key to great oral sex is communication—be open to what your partner feels and desires. Men can help you determine what feels best for them, so try not to be afraid to ask your partner to describe what he likes. And remember, when you go down on your man, it is an expression of ultimate intimacy.